This post is inspired by Daily OM and Souk Bohemian (images featured)
Take a moment to close your eyes and thank your body for everything it does for you. Remember that it loves you and deserves your gratitude.
There are days when I ask myself, “When did I first feel shame in my nakedness? When did loving my body become an act of rebellion?”
If you’ve been on my blog recently, you are probably familiar with my 2019 Intention, reconnecting with the Feminine Divine. Part of my journey towards that intention is tapping into my own sensuality.
I first lost ownership of my body in my late teens. I was raised in a pretty religious home with parents that granted me the freedom and belief that I could be and do anything I wanted. I danced, I played piano and guitar, and I loved art. It was, however, religious authorities that caused me the most harm during an impressionable time of my life. I did as teenagers do, rebelling and falling for the boys I should steer clear from, and I was punished for it. Not all religious environments lay the foundation for shame, but mine did. The moments I felt happiest with my body and sexuality were in rebellious acts to spite those authorities.
Its taken a lot of therapy in self reflection to see that the foundation of shame has shaped how I still see myself and my love of sexuality as shameful. So I’m doing something about it.
While bathes are my favorite form of Self Care, I’ve been focusing on allowing myself the space to embrace my sensuality. That has involved really digging deep and re-writing my story.
A Ritual for Releasing Shame
The most important task to start the re-writing of my story, was allowing myself to release the shame that has felt like an anvil on my chest. That shame impacted my relationship with my husband, my views of self pleasure, and any love I could muster for my own body. The following is a ritual by Deonesea La Fey, it allowed me to cut ties with the shame that has weighed me down for years.
Get into your comfy spot, light your candle, take a few deep breaths and relax. Now, as you begin to inhale more deeply, feel for the places in yourself where you are holding shame. Let your mind wander until it settles on a memory of a time when you felt deeply ashamed about your sensuality or sexuality. Let the memory come fully into your mind and feel the feeling of shame as deeply as you can in this moment. Notice how you experience the feeling of shame in your body…is it a sickening feeling in the pit of your belly, is it a contraction in your belly or your genitals, is it a tightening of your neck and shoulders, is it a flushing of heat across your face? Just notice how the feeling of shame shows up as a body sensation for you…and continue to feel it. Keep breathing and stay with the feeling as long as you can. Imagine the feeling as coming in like a wave in the ocean…it is coming stronger and stronger until it fully washes over you, and once it is fully felt, it will begin to recede and fade.
Now, see yourself as far bigger than this feeling. Imagine that your body sits inside of your spirit being, your Higher Self, your I Am presence…whatever set of words you use to name your soul. It is surrounding your body and now encompasses the memory and the shame you have been feeling through this ritual. Your Higher Self can breathe love into the pain. Simply imagine that you inhale into your Higher Self so that your breath fills your lungs AND fills the entire space of your energy body that is surrounding your physical body. Continue to breathe deeply in this way and see the air filling your lungs and aura with a soft pink glow. Imagine that this glow can wash away the feelings and sensations of shame, filling you now with peace and the feeling of being comfortable in your own skin. Continue to breathe in this way until you feel completely at ease.
When you have reached a place of comfort and peace, take a few moments to wiggle your toes and fingers, stand up and stretch a bit. And now record your experience in your journal.
Getting Honest with Myself
There is a specific narrative that goes through my head when I start craving a life full of sensuality. It is full of shouldn’ts.
I shouldn’t think about sensuality.
I should wear clothing that shows my curves.
I shouldn’t enjoy self pleasure.
I shouldn’t feel so comfortable with intimacy.
But I love everyone of those things. I should, I should I should….
I’ve been taking a course with DailyOM for Unleashing Your Authentic Sensuality. These statements are from a journal entry I wrote during the 3rd lesson:
When I imagine myself feeling sensuous and experiencing my own pleasure, what I see is a girl embracing her true identity. Sensuality isn’t something to be looked down upon. It’s uplifting and empowering. It allows you to connect with the Divine Feminine because you are feeling, and experiencing. You are closer to the goddesses that came before you, you are channeling them in an act of love and passion.
If I were to give myself permission to do something I always tell myself I couldn’t possibly do (but I secretly REALLY want to), I would Pole Dance. Erotic movement has always been an obsession of mine. I would take pole dancing and aerial silks class. I would dress like a dancer and throw myself about, letting pure joy and my ability to be graceful take control. I would honor my body by moving it in a way that taps into my sensuality. We all deserve to express ourselves in any form we like, I love erotic movement.
If I could create a space in my bedroom or in a special space in my home as an altar for my sensuous self it would look like a love letter to my Yoni. It would have various crystal Yoni wands. Polaroids of my softest places, like the rolls in my belly. Stones that connect to femininity like Moonstone, or self love like Rose Quartz. The words of Poets, like Warsan Shire:
“You are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him traveling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.”
My altar would be an explosion of color, because that is what lives in side me.
A Pledge to My Sensuality
These are the moments I acknowledge my sensuality:
In the bath, I take time to look at the curves of my body and the way the water caresses them. The small rolls I have, I acknowledge the smoothness in my skin and express gratitude for their beauty.
Though my arms aren’t as toned as they used to be, they are strong. I express gratitude as they lift my body on the silks. Their strength allows me to feel as though I’m flying as they help me elevate and invert.
The thighs I usually chastise for their lack of definition, when a silk is locked around them, I feel as though I am levetated. They let me look graceful as I back bend and twist in the air. They let me look like a suspended ballerina.
In the place of my need for strength, I now only crave to be graceful. There is so much strength and power in femininity. There is so much beauty in using dance as a form of self expression. I am an artist, and my hands create, but now my body is art in and of itself.
So, with all of this said, I made a pledge to myself and my sensuality. I hope you will too.
I Give Myself Full Permission to be a Lusciously Sensual Woman and to Have as Much Pleasure as Possible in Every Way that I Desire!
What moments do you feel the most sensual and beautiful? Tell me about them below!
Take time to look at the moments your body allows you to be the best version of yourself. Use pictures of bodies doing what seems like the impossible to inspire you to do the same, not to feel envious or unworthy. Show your body the love it deserves and celebrate your sensuality.